Explaining our Scars to Children When They Ask~

    Hope my readers are having a peaceful evening. Today’s topic is entitled explaining our scars to our children. Some of you know that I struggled with Self injury for over 12 years, and been free of it for a decade, yet the scars remain, even after ive learned to cope. So my question to you is how we react, when our children, godchildren, grandchildren or nieces and nephews ask what those scars are from.

     Its tough for even someone who deals with self injury to fully understand themselves why they cope this way, never mind trying to explain this to a young child, that’s a tough one. For one children shouldn’t have to be exposed to this. We want them to stay innocent for as long as possible and shelter them from this pain. Yet more and more young people are deal ing with this way of coping and others are exposed to this in their environment because of parent or a adult they are close to deals with it.

     So what happens when our little one, looks at your scars, runs their fingers over them and looks up into your eyes and says, what happened, how you got these. Its not if they will ask, just a matter of when. So its important to be prepared, of how you will react and what will you say. We have to take in consideration their age and their maturity level. We have to approach it with precaution, and not come across in such a way that they are scared, but explain in the most simple form so its on a level they can comprehend. We don’t what to scar them emotionally. We know we can’t protect them forever!

   There comes a time when a simple answer of I fell or I had a accident won’t be enough to satisfy their growing curiosity, but ask yourself what is your goal of explain this to them. Yes we want their innocence protected, but we also don’t want them to feel we are ignoring and not acknowledging their questions. Even children are self harming as a unhealthy coping skill, if that’s the case then we need to discuss this before another child at 8, 9 or 10 years old is cutting themselves alone in their bedroom. The truth is there is no easy way to explain this harsh reality.

     I knew since ive struggled with this, eventually I would have to explain it. I don’t struggle with this addiction of self harm any longer, but the scars still remain on my arms. I felt the need to address this topic, because of my goddaughter who turns 5 next month, who I love by the way as if she was my very own daughter, asked me what my scars were from last week, when we had them over. She looked at me, ran her fingers over it, then said auntie what are these from, I was prepared, I knew this day would come.I said auntie had a accident, and got hurt on her arm, and that’s the way I scar, when I get any kind of cut.I seemed to satisfy her question, I could tell she asked out of concern and love.

  As the children in our loves become older and their questions become deeper, it will give us opportunities to explain healthy coping skills, it will open a door for a conversation, so be prepared, when we care enough to acknowledge their concerns, this makes them feel worthy and loved and secure. We can’t let our feelings of being uncomfortable with this topic stand in the way of opening the door for open and honest communication with our precious little ones. Little by little we can explain in such a way it won’t be too much for them to take in, and they will be able to understand.

Stepping Into the Unknown World of a Dignosis~

    Every one of my entries, in my blog, purpose is to uplift and encourage and walk you through this journey. This entry is dedicated to those out there are who are just starting on this journey, who don’t know which way to go, who don’t have that diagnosis yet, who feel afraid and feel unsure as they step into a Unknown world.

    Know that when I say I understand, im not just saying that to make you feel better, i truly know where you’re coming from, I was in that same spot you are at one time. It was all new to me, I felt so alone and isolated and fearful of what this journey would look like, what would it mean for my future. I speak from my deepest part of my heart and soul, ill be transparent with you and not hold anything back.

    I remember like it was just yesterday.I was 19 when i got that diagnosis, here I'am 35 and stable. I was starring down a monster that I wasn’t sure that I could beat.It was intimidating, I said” I didn’t ask for this, and the questions just kept rolling off my tongue. Who would understand, would I even be believed, why I was feeling these emotions, and why was it so hard to control them. How could I explain to someone who asked why are you feeling depressed, when I didn’t even understand it myself. So many questions and not enough answers to be found.

    My moods changed like the seasons, from week to week, day to day and even hour to hour. I felt like I couldn’t even keep up with myself. Do you feel like that? Do you know that you’re dealing with depression and you want help to handle it, but are afraid to take the next step? Dealing with the unknown is very scary, its ok to feel how you feel, because this is all new to you, but there is help, and there is no shame in taking that step to get the help. Bipolar is a very real disease, its chemical imbalance in the brains structure. So what s the next step you ask, well im more than happy to walk you through the process.

    Knowing that you need help is the first step; no one can take that step for you. We can encourage you to take it, but you have to take that step, we can walk you through it, but you have to apply what you learn. Be in prayer as you embark on this journey, God heals miraculously sometimes and other times he uses the knowledge of doctors and medications to help you become stable. Find a knowledgeable and compassionate therapist to help you deal with learning healthy coping skills and a psychiatrist to help you find the proper medication combination that works for you. Educate yourself about those medications, every medication has side effects, some stronger than others, finding the right ones, may take some time it’s a trial and error, but don’t give up..

     Find   people who can encourage and uplift you and can mentor you and guide you, reach out for someone who has been in your shoes, who knows where your coming from, who has dealt with this, and can offer you wisdom. And then advocate, which is what I touched upon a little bit before, this is your life, you know how you feel,  its so important to know  your body, how it reacts, what medications your doctor is putting you on, what are they for, what are the pros and cons of each one, don’t just sit back and  keep your mouth shut.  Work with your doctors. By dong that it adds to the goal of stability, it can and it will happen. I’m living proof of that, I went from 24 pills a day to none over a long period of time with doctor’s approval to, now being on 2.

    Its been a long process, ive tasted the bitterest tears, and felt the gut wrenching pain in my soul.ive looked at my reflection in the mirror with dim eyes, knowing the light that once was there disappeared was grasping for answers. I was afraid to take the next step, but I dint want to keep living like this, I know deep down there was more for me, but because of the cloud of darkness and the irrational thinking, I didn’t see how I could get from where I was to where I needed to be. This was my reality; I couldn’t run from it, I was stepping into a unknown territory.

   Though we walk a unknown path, we can trust a all knowing God. He knows our future and the pain we carry. He knows the dreams you have and he wants them to come true, even more than you do.This is a new beginning. Close the door to the negative voices that said you can’t, to the low self esteem, which says im not good enough for anyone or anything.

When we walk through different kinds of pain, it has a way of bringing us closer to the heart of God. We have more of a understanding of the pain others bear. And then we can speak out, but before we speak out, we have to admit we can’t do this on our own. So take a deep breath, let it out…. You’ve got this, and guess what im here to walk you through will help you see YOU the way GoD sees you! Ill hold your arms up until you can do it on your own.

   Walk away from the guilt, the shame, there is no place for them here. We all need a helping hand sometimes. One small step is all is takes is one small step, closer to being who you were meant to be…Not letting this disease DEFINE you. Even when those dark days hit, and they will. I still have them at times, ive learned healthy coping skills. To get to that point you need to start somewhere. Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.

   When you say I need help, when you say this is beyond me. You have the strength inside, sometimes it just takes someone to come along and help you bring that strength to the surface, so you can apply it to your coping skills. Putting a diagnosis to a disease is one thing, putting a name to your Voice is another? All you have to do is reach out your hand, take that first step, so you can live to the fullest, not just survive day to day, hanging by a thread. But clinging to Jesus all the way!

Can a Person with Bipolar Work?

A disease like bipolar is ever changing experience, one that can’t always be predicted beforehand. Though there comes a time the longer you’ve had bipolar the more adaptable you become, the more you learn what you can and can’t handle.

    Everyone is different; everyone handles life in a different way. Everyone can learn to cope and live a productive life, yes even with bipolar. Not everyone can handle a job, and that’s ok, but everyone can learn healthy coping skills, yet even so not all can work, but if you were to ask me is it possible, yes it is for some.

   Let me briefly share my experience with working. When it was at its worst, I couldn’t even function, in day to day activities, never mind working outside the home. It was something that I wanted to do,, felt anger and experienced guilt because I was unable to work’s couldn’t even hold a job down without getting fired from so many days off. I felt so useless in helping our family financially. I could not contribute, I honestly felt like a burden to my husband who worked so hard to provide for his family. Have you ever felt these feelings?

     My husband was so supportive most of the time; it was tough on him at times. He always told me my first priority is to take care of myself and get stable. I will provide for you and God will provide for us, that’s, what he always told me. I tired numerous times to step out into the work force, only to get let go because I d miss so many days’ wanted to feel normal and work like everyone else, but I just couldn’t. I cried a lot at night, when don was fast asleep, he never knew about those nights, not until many years later.

    My depression kept my housebound for quite a awhile, then finally after years of therapy and correct medications and a lot of support and prayers, I finally was stable enough to take that big step and start working. Then cancer struck and that took me out of the workforce again. Then finally after I beat the big C…. I was able to look to my future with Hope and started working as a toddler teacher that is until my physical health took a toll, not the tumors this time, but chronic painful disease with no cure.

      I haven’t been able to work since end of 2009. And I hate that fact, I had overcome so much after so many years with the bipolar keeping me from work, then saw my dream come true only for it to be taken again.

    You need to believe in yourself, it don’t matter what anyone else says, its not their life, and YOU know YOU best, silence all those voices that said you can’t. Show them what you’re capable of. Take small steps, you might just surprise yourself. Doors will open that you never thought would. Your confidence will soar. But remember small goals. You don’t know what lies over that horizon. I never thought id be writing, though I’ve loved writing for as long as I can remember. I never thought id be writing on a international level, God opened doors not just for this blog but for me to blog for the international bipolar foundation website.

 God has opened the floodgates of blessings to come forth pouring in. He used my story and my pain and that bipolar is not the end all. It doesn’t have to confine you or your dreams. If you believe and you work hard, it all will be worth it. Set the goals, but don’t overdo or push yourself so you have too high expectations. Much Love and remember reach for the  stars and never stop shining~

Raging Against the Bipolar Rage~

     Do you ever feel like your raging against yourself, like you’re fighting a monster within? Today’s topic is Bipolar Rage. What is it, and how do we cope when you feel so out of control. This is very real and can be very scary for anyone, for those who are just starting out on this journey, it can feel overwhelming. I’m here to explain it from my personal experiences with this, and give you positive ways to learn to cope.

   In the early days of my diagnosis, this rage was something that I really struggled with. It was like I was watching myself, act out, as if I was a totally different person. There is a lot of those days, that I cant remember because I was so out of it, so I had to ask my husband what those days, those moments were like. He told me that a lot of times I felt misunderstood, or that I couldn’t get others to understand how I was feeling, and the more they tried to help me the more I would rage, I just couldn’t see they were trying to help me. When you are going through an episode, you don’t think straight.

   I was a much laid back kind of person, so when this rage reared its ugly head, I didn’t know what it was or how to deal with it and the emotions I was feeling. Bipolar Rage is very real, its sudden unexpected outbursts of anger and aggression.

   Mine  came out on myself, It was a inward battle I fought, I raged  on the outside, while inside I screamed loudly, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. I hated what I did, and I felt so out of control. All the emotions that I didn’t understand, or know how to process just came bubbling over. But I have to say the rage was the worst for me, I would zone out a lot, and later remember what I said or what I broke. A lot of guilt would flow since id break things that had sentimental value to me. I know id say things that hurt my husband when I was going through one of these episodes and I felt so awful afterwards, I would just cry in his arms. And yet all the while, he was so understanding and patient with me.

   Its very important to understand this rage and why it happens. It’s also important to understand the triggers that throw you into a episode, its all part of the coping process, Whether it’s a stressful situation in our lives or a person in our lives that sets us off. We need to know what to avoid and how to cope in healthy, positive ways.

   One thing that I want to emphasis through sharing my story and blog is<Bipolar can be treated, and you can learn how to deal with the inner rage. Stability is a goal that can be achieved! Its important to learn why you feel the way you do, once a therapist is able to help you work through these feelings, you will have a a better understanding of why you do what you do. Then you learn positive alternatives to cope when those stressful triggering situations arise, so you don’t act out irrationally.

    I remember the days when my rage seemed out of control, and of course there si the fear if people know they will label you crazy or will walk away. Understanding this helps you not only deal with it, but if your spouse or friend or even child has rage, you will understand where it is they are coming from. You are not alone. There is Hope and I can tell you from personal experience that Ive been stable for 11 years. And off most of my meds, with doctors approval and im leading a stable and happy life. I dealt with my feelings, I learned its not healthy to just tuck our pain inside deep in our hearts, emotions are a gift from God, and learning how to cope, is so important. We don’t need to feel out of control. God has brought much Healing into the dark crevasses of my life, and shined  Hope and light into them, and now I can share my story and offer Hope to all who need it. I’m here if you have any questions, or need a listening ear.

Importance of Boundaries~

         Good Evening my Beautiful readers. I’ve missed writing in my blog, but I’m back and I’m back in full force. I have some great topics that I will be addressing in the months of April and May so stay tuned! Tonight’s topic is: Having Boundaries to help us cope with our bipolar. So why is it important to have boundaries?

          Well let’s think about this question for a moment. Everything in life needs a balance to it. If our world had no laws, chaos would be running rampant. So if that’s the case, then it applies to us as human beings too, everything we do needs to be in moderation, knowing this its our way of learning to live a healthy life while having mental illness. A boundary says where I end and someone else begins.

     From a personal stand point, when my bipolar was at its worst, there were times I had to pull back from a relationship or a situation because it was not a healthy environment for me to be in, mentally, emotionally and yes even physically meaning, when we don’t surround ourselves with positive people or drama, then it puts unnecessary stress into our path, which in turn brings us down instead of building us up and when our bodies are under stress it will affect us in a physical aspect too.

       We each have the authority what we allow into our lives, who we let influence us, what we watch, where we go, it goes hand in hand I think with what we value in this life. Having boundaries is a learning process to understand, where we draw the line, and what we feel will or will not affects us. I’ve talked about learning healthy coping skills; well this goes hand in hand because putting boundaries in our lives is part of that important process.

      There are situational boundaries, meaning the circumstances in our lives. Knowing when to step back and not let that situation overtake you, or when  to say NO,  that word we need to know when to say, when to step back and  say, I can’t handle that, or im already doing too much right now, we should not be afraid to say no, because we’re afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. We are doing all we can to stay stable and be pro active in our treatments and learning to cope with life.

   Then there is personal boundaries, we need to communicate in healthy ways to those people that we love who are in our lives, our spouses, our co workers, our children, our friends, be open and honest, don’t have false expectations of someone, and know when and what crosses the line. Know your boundaries and be able to express them in a clear and concise way and know others boundaries. Too many relationships fall apart, because those boundaries were not already set in place, how sad is that.

    This is something we all deal with in many different aspects, but rest assured even when boundaries are broken, they can be repaired, but it will take time. When there are healthy limits, and you are aware what you can handle, if you have enough strength, and the resources, we don’t always have those things. That’s ok.

     We want to be there for those in our lives, but there are times we need to step back and take care of ourselves, there is no shame in doing this, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and those you love and in some cases, we have to cut ties because the situation or relationship is just not healthy, and has nothing to offer to our emotional well being.