Let Go of the Stress of Expectations~

   It is that time of year again, another year is behind us and a new Year, a new beginning lays ahead of us. So learn from this past year, take the lessons you have inquired and apply them to your life. Start this New Year with a fresh slate, full of possibilities and new adventures.

  Have you ever heard yourself saying ” I’m being pulled in so many directions” or “Everyone has a opinion of what we should do “Have you ever felt so frustrated, and frazzled trying to live up to everyone expectations of you? I know I have and it does nothing but bring unnecessary stress into your life and can trigger many emotions with the bipolar.

  Thing  is were only HUMAN, yes repeat that over until that sinks in, we can’t be everything to everyone all at the same time, and a lesson  we must all learn and the sooner you learn it the better is that WE can’t PLEASE EVERYONE! We cannot be perfect, no matter how hard we try or strive to obtain it, it will never be! Perfection is not reality and when we are caught up in expectations of others, then one thing is certain we will fall because we cannot do it all.

   All we can do is trying our best and when we try our best then that is the best we have given. No one else should expect anything more than what we can give. Knowing when to say NO, when to say I cannot do that, when to say another time or even tell those we love that they are giving to much advice.

   Advice is good to seek from good Godly people that understand what you are dealing with, a friend who is going through the same struggles. Too many voices of people given g their two cents can wreck havoc on us and how we feel about ourselves, especially when we fall short of what they expect of us. then it becomes a viscous cycle that we then put ourselves down. It becomes harder to pull ourselves out of that pit.

 We know what our bodies can handle, most of the time. There may be times when another voice of reason is needed to bring perspective back into focus, when our minds are running and the thoughts can be sorted out, its ok to ask for help when things get to that point. Just remember this, you are a individual that God made for a diving purpose that only YOU can fulfill! Don’t get caught up in what others think you should do or who you should be or how you should act, be yourself, embrace your strengths and grow from your weaknesses, and let go of false expectations that will leave you nothing but  worn out and sometimes feeling unfulfilled.

  SEE what is realistic and don’t overdo it, you’re doing a great job, you have a lot to handle,  so embrace the beauty of what God has called you to do and no one should expect anything more than what you can give because what you give is enough,,, YOU are enough!

Reach out and Speak up~

  Hello readers, I apologize for being away for so long. Between dealing with my grandfathers death and my own dungeon of depression I was feeling trapped for a short time, so I didn’t even have the energy or motivation to write, and writing is such a huge part of who iam as a person.

I was in a very dark place, a place that was too familiar to me. a place in my mind that I didn’t want to travel back to, a place I had been feeling l like I was seeing my life play out before me.I didn’t want others to view me as weak, I know the truth I know bipolar and depression is never a sign of weakness, but I was scared, of what new people in my life would think.

   I didn’t want to reach out or speak up, I wanted to fight the thoughts myself, but I know from experiences that never ends well. What was I so fearful of? I know I was when those suidical thoughts afraid that if I got in it deep enough it might take me.I was not honest with my husband or my therapist~. I hid it well, at every counseling session I never told her that it was getting bad again and I just wanted to   wish it all away.

  I finally was honest with my husband and my therapist. im glad I was .I could no longer keep this secret. It was tough to be that vulnerable again after all these years. of not feeling  secure, feeling afraid of myself. Its important to reach out and speak up when you feel a episode coming on, don’t hide away that’s the very worse you can do, when you need help, it might be a medication adjustment or or you need to see your therapist!, don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today!

  To many people suffer in silence and fall through the cracks! There is no shame in saying I need extra help right now in the long run it will benefit you in so many positive ways!.You’ve come so far, there will be bumps ng the road of this journey, just buckle down and hold on, You will get through and you,just like you always have and you always will.So if you’re having tough time reach out, don’t wait until its too late!~.

What is Bad Judgement, and How Do You Deal With It?

Today’s topic is “what is Bad judgment and how do you determine what is and what isn’t  bad judgment? We all make mistakes, every one of us, whether it’s in our relationships, or finances or something we said or did that we later regret. For those who deal with mental health issues, we at times can really have it tough, when it comes to making wise decisions,.

  I know when I speak for myself from my experiences dealing with my bipolar over the years, ive had times when I let my emotions and feelings rule my choices I made. Instead of thinking before I acted, I acted and then thought about the consequences after, which is never a good thing.

Like any aspect of our illness, we can learn to deal with it using healthy coping skills. ive said this before, we can’t control our feelings, but we can learn how to control how we react to them. There were many times over the years, that when I was dealing with a manic phase instead of seeking the guidance from someone I loved I took on the decision by myself and sometimes made a mess of things.

 A lot of times when a person is dealing with a manic episode its difficult to rationalize reality and to be in the moment. I for one dealt with bad decisions of overspending, I just did not think of consequences of not spending wisely; in turn this caused friction in my husbands and my marriage. That was a reality that I really need to work on. over the years ive got a much better grasp on that, we all have our bad days.

  What about when we say something that hurt someone else, while dealing with a episode. That happened to me many times, especially my husband; he was the one who was always there when I seemed to be having a tough time.  I did not always express how I felt to him, I was not being honest which is very important for any relationship to grow and thrive is honesty. We learn what is appropriate to say and what is not, we can’t beat ourselves up over it.

 I just learned that its all part of learning and growing as a individual and as someone who deals with depression. Use every experience as a learning tool, embrace each moment that you are learning to handle yourself and your illness in a more healthy and productive way.

In those early years of my bipolar, anytime I said or did something and made a bad judgment, I beat myself up over it. Then I became depressed and the vicious cycle started again, then I finally learned that im human, and making mistakes is part of growing, and dealing with everyday situations, now days I still have a bad day.

I’ve also learned to reach out for help and take hold of the resources that are available to me.  I cannot punish myself or hold it over me, when I make a mistake. I learn from it. It’s all part of loving and accepting yourself and learning how to  be the best version  of yourself and not letting your illness confine you to a negative definition of yourself , but to grow and learn and better understand how you can live with bipolar in a more healthy way.

Resilience~The Power to Press on, and to Rise Above~

   “The Oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived” By: Robert Jordan~ imagine the great oak tree, so many years old could not withstand the mighty winds of the storm. The oak tree thought iam the strongest and the biggest tree in the forest; I can withstand any storm that comes my way, for my roots are deep and iam the mighty OAK. now imagine the weeping willow, delicate and beautiful she is, she blows in the wind.

  She gives shelter to those who sit in her shade, she weeps many tears, for all those who have lost years struggling in pain, and yet many thought she will not be able to withstand, the storm is coming. she will surely break, but  that she did not, she swayed in the wind, her branches bent, yet she did not break, no matter how hard that wind blew. She stood her ground.

  Resilient people do not let adversity define who they are. We may say or we may feel or think im not resilient I could never be……, but every time  you don’t let depression win, every time you press on and fight the good fight, you demonstrate perseverance and resilience. We all can show this resilience does not always mean you feel strong or never feel pain, it means you don’t let that pain overtake you and bring you down to its level, your ise above. You keep fighting the good fight, even when our minds say give up and the world says give in, we say NO, and we show the world what were made of Strength beyond all compare.

“When darkness falls, beauty is lit from within” by Jonathan Jena

  Some of the most strongest individuals are the ones who have gone through the most pain,  who have cried the bitterest tears and have overcome the most heart wrenching adversity, that’s strength from within. Resilient people do not walk between the raindrops, they do not say ive never felt that way, they have battle wounds to show where they been and what they have been through.

  There have been many times ive wanted to give up. Ive dealt with depression for so long, on the other side of the coin I deal with chronic pain for I have multiple diseases that are very painful and that brings circumstantial depression into the picture too. Only by Gods grace do I have the strength to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other, not let my past at my worst come to the surface again. It’s a battle, but let me tell ya I have those battle wounds inside and out. God has given me the strength to press and to share my story this openly and freely. Each time I fall, I get back in the saddle again.

  One small step is huge each small victory is worth celebrating. We need to think of it in this way. We are not being resilient; we are resilient. It’s like that quote what doesn’t kill you, just makes you stronger. Shift your focus of your thinking it’s a process one were all on. When life starts to wear you down again think of how far you’ve come YOU my friend are courageous, resilient and its about time, you start seeing yourself through these eyes!

Part 3 in the Series~" Making the Transition from Hospital to The outside World"~

Good evening readers, how are you tonight?  I’m tired, but  it’s a good tired had a nice afternoon with my mom visiting  at our new place, we were able to encourage one another and build each other up and laugh and just make memories together! Therefore, we’ve been doing a 3 part series and this is part 3 in our series. “Making the transition; from inpatient to the outside world.”

    I remember what it was like, most of my stays were between 7 to 10 days, some were longer a few were shorter. I’m taking you back to that time in my life, when inpatient stays were the norm for me, I know that’s a terrible thought, but its reality for many people with bipolar, it seemed like every few months I was being hospitalized for suicidal tendencies or medication adjustments. I always tried to get the most out of my stays on the psych ward, as we talked about in the last entry. However, what happens then?

   How do you transition back to your everyday life? Ill tell you its no easy task, a lot of times id get comfortable inside the hospital walls, i felt safe there, i felt like we didn’t have to deal with life, but being hospitalized is not a place to run to or away from, it’s a tool to help you become stable again. Sometimes id fight, my discharge it’s kind of funny ironic thing, a lot of times when I was first admitted id fight being there, then when it was time for me to be discharged id fight it again, because I dint want to go back to everyday life.  Everyday life is hard, we were in a safe place, a place where we got 24/7 support from doctors and patients alike, but we cannot live our life hiding away!

   One thing they focus on, before your discharged is a plan on what to do if you start feeling overwhelmed again. They also make sure you have a good support system in place. sometimes I  did a outpatient program  5 days a week for a week or two to help me adjust to being him outside the hospital inpatient setting, that always seemed to help because I’d get the same groups and the support, only difference was I wasn’t staying there. It would be from 8-4 every day; it kept me busy too, giving me that outlet that I needed! They also make sure you   would have some kind of healthy routine after your inpatient stay and day program was over.

   Having these plans put in place before you go home is important to your treatment plan and learning to live on the outside again. I did not want to be looking in all the time, looking in the sense of not enjoying life as much as I could. I wanted help. I wanted the tools to help me cope, thrive, deal, and help me understand my illness and myself. I found no shame; I learned seeking help when one needs it is s sign of true inner strength. It helped me understand my bipolar and live with it a better! I never regretted any of my hospitalizations; they helped me become who I ‘am today!