Explaining our Scars to Children When They Ask~

    Hope my readers are having a peaceful evening. Today’s topic is entitled explaining our scars to our children. Some of you know that I struggled with Self injury for over 12 years, and been free of it for a decade, yet the scars remain, even after ive learned to cope. So my question to you is how we react, when our children, godchildren, grandchildren or nieces and nephews ask what those scars are from.

     Its tough for even someone who deals with self injury to fully understand themselves why they cope this way, never mind trying to explain this to a young child, that’s a tough one. For one children shouldn’t have to be exposed to this. We want them to stay innocent for as long as possible and shelter them from this pain. Yet more and more young people are deal ing with this way of coping and others are exposed to this in their environment because of parent or a adult they are close to deals with it.

     So what happens when our little one, looks at your scars, runs their fingers over them and looks up into your eyes and says, what happened, how you got these. Its not if they will ask, just a matter of when. So its important to be prepared, of how you will react and what will you say. We have to take in consideration their age and their maturity level. We have to approach it with precaution, and not come across in such a way that they are scared, but explain in the most simple form so its on a level they can comprehend. We don’t what to scar them emotionally. We know we can’t protect them forever!

   There comes a time when a simple answer of I fell or I had a accident won’t be enough to satisfy their growing curiosity, but ask yourself what is your goal of explain this to them. Yes we want their innocence protected, but we also don’t want them to feel we are ignoring and not acknowledging their questions. Even children are self harming as a unhealthy coping skill, if that’s the case then we need to discuss this before another child at 8, 9 or 10 years old is cutting themselves alone in their bedroom. The truth is there is no easy way to explain this harsh reality.

     I knew since ive struggled with this, eventually I would have to explain it. I don’t struggle with this addiction of self harm any longer, but the scars still remain on my arms. I felt the need to address this topic, because of my goddaughter who turns 5 next month, who I love by the way as if she was my very own daughter, asked me what my scars were from last week, when we had them over. She looked at me, ran her fingers over it, then said auntie what are these from, I was prepared, I knew this day would come.I said auntie had a accident, and got hurt on her arm, and that’s the way I scar, when I get any kind of cut.I seemed to satisfy her question, I could tell she asked out of concern and love.

  As the children in our loves become older and their questions become deeper, it will give us opportunities to explain healthy coping skills, it will open a door for a conversation, so be prepared, when we care enough to acknowledge their concerns, this makes them feel worthy and loved and secure. We can’t let our feelings of being uncomfortable with this topic stand in the way of opening the door for open and honest communication with our precious little ones. Little by little we can explain in such a way it won’t be too much for them to take in, and they will be able to understand.

Stepping Into the Unknown World of a Dignosis~

    Every one of my entries, in my blog, purpose is to uplift and encourage and walk you through this journey. This entry is dedicated to those out there are who are just starting on this journey, who don’t know which way to go, who don’t have that diagnosis yet, who feel afraid and feel unsure as they step into a Unknown world.

    Know that when I say I understand, im not just saying that to make you feel better, i truly know where you’re coming from, I was in that same spot you are at one time. It was all new to me, I felt so alone and isolated and fearful of what this journey would look like, what would it mean for my future. I speak from my deepest part of my heart and soul, ill be transparent with you and not hold anything back.

    I remember like it was just yesterday.I was 19 when i got that diagnosis, here I'am 35 and stable. I was starring down a monster that I wasn’t sure that I could beat.It was intimidating, I said” I didn’t ask for this, and the questions just kept rolling off my tongue. Who would understand, would I even be believed, why I was feeling these emotions, and why was it so hard to control them. How could I explain to someone who asked why are you feeling depressed, when I didn’t even understand it myself. So many questions and not enough answers to be found.

    My moods changed like the seasons, from week to week, day to day and even hour to hour. I felt like I couldn’t even keep up with myself. Do you feel like that? Do you know that you’re dealing with depression and you want help to handle it, but are afraid to take the next step? Dealing with the unknown is very scary, its ok to feel how you feel, because this is all new to you, but there is help, and there is no shame in taking that step to get the help. Bipolar is a very real disease, its chemical imbalance in the brains structure. So what s the next step you ask, well im more than happy to walk you through the process.

    Knowing that you need help is the first step; no one can take that step for you. We can encourage you to take it, but you have to take that step, we can walk you through it, but you have to apply what you learn. Be in prayer as you embark on this journey, God heals miraculously sometimes and other times he uses the knowledge of doctors and medications to help you become stable. Find a knowledgeable and compassionate therapist to help you deal with learning healthy coping skills and a psychiatrist to help you find the proper medication combination that works for you. Educate yourself about those medications, every medication has side effects, some stronger than others, finding the right ones, may take some time it’s a trial and error, but don’t give up..

     Find   people who can encourage and uplift you and can mentor you and guide you, reach out for someone who has been in your shoes, who knows where your coming from, who has dealt with this, and can offer you wisdom. And then advocate, which is what I touched upon a little bit before, this is your life, you know how you feel,  its so important to know  your body, how it reacts, what medications your doctor is putting you on, what are they for, what are the pros and cons of each one, don’t just sit back and  keep your mouth shut.  Work with your doctors. By dong that it adds to the goal of stability, it can and it will happen. I’m living proof of that, I went from 24 pills a day to none over a long period of time with doctor’s approval to, now being on 2.

    Its been a long process, ive tasted the bitterest tears, and felt the gut wrenching pain in my soul.ive looked at my reflection in the mirror with dim eyes, knowing the light that once was there disappeared was grasping for answers. I was afraid to take the next step, but I dint want to keep living like this, I know deep down there was more for me, but because of the cloud of darkness and the irrational thinking, I didn’t see how I could get from where I was to where I needed to be. This was my reality; I couldn’t run from it, I was stepping into a unknown territory.

   Though we walk a unknown path, we can trust a all knowing God. He knows our future and the pain we carry. He knows the dreams you have and he wants them to come true, even more than you do.This is a new beginning. Close the door to the negative voices that said you can’t, to the low self esteem, which says im not good enough for anyone or anything.

When we walk through different kinds of pain, it has a way of bringing us closer to the heart of God. We have more of a understanding of the pain others bear. And then we can speak out, but before we speak out, we have to admit we can’t do this on our own. So take a deep breath, let it out…. You’ve got this, and guess what im here to walk you through will help you see YOU the way GoD sees you! Ill hold your arms up until you can do it on your own.

   Walk away from the guilt, the shame, there is no place for them here. We all need a helping hand sometimes. One small step is all is takes is one small step, closer to being who you were meant to be…Not letting this disease DEFINE you. Even when those dark days hit, and they will. I still have them at times, ive learned healthy coping skills. To get to that point you need to start somewhere. Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.

   When you say I need help, when you say this is beyond me. You have the strength inside, sometimes it just takes someone to come along and help you bring that strength to the surface, so you can apply it to your coping skills. Putting a diagnosis to a disease is one thing, putting a name to your Voice is another? All you have to do is reach out your hand, take that first step, so you can live to the fullest, not just survive day to day, hanging by a thread. But clinging to Jesus all the way!