Hope my readers
are having a peaceful evening. Today’s topic is entitled explaining our scars
to our children. Some of you know that I struggled with Self injury for over 12
years, and been free of it for a decade, yet the scars remain, even after ive
learned to cope. So my question to you is how we react, when our children,
godchildren, grandchildren or nieces and nephews ask what those scars are from.
Its tough for even
someone who deals with self injury to fully understand themselves why they cope
this way, never mind trying to explain this to a young child, that’s a tough one.
For one children shouldn’t have to be exposed to this. We want them to stay
innocent for as long as possible and shelter them from this pain. Yet more and
more young people are deal ing with this way of coping and others are exposed
to this in their environment because of parent or a adult they are close to
deals with it.
So what happens when
our little one, looks at your scars, runs their fingers over them and looks up
into your eyes and says, what happened, how you got these. Its not if they will
ask, just a matter of when. So its important to be prepared, of how you will
react and what will you say. We have to take in consideration their age and
their maturity level. We have to approach it with precaution, and not come
across in such a way that they are scared, but explain in the most simple form
so its on a level they can comprehend. We don’t what to scar them emotionally.
We know we can’t protect them forever!
There comes a time
when a simple answer of I fell or I had a accident won’t be enough to satisfy
their growing curiosity, but ask yourself what is your goal of explain this to them.
Yes we want their innocence protected, but we also don’t want them to feel we
are ignoring and not acknowledging their questions. Even children are self harming
as a unhealthy coping skill, if that’s the case then we need to discuss this before
another child at 8, 9 or 10 years old is cutting themselves alone in their bedroom.
The truth is there is no easy way to explain this harsh reality.
I knew since ive
struggled with this, eventually I would have to explain it. I don’t struggle
with this addiction of self harm any longer, but the scars still remain on my
arms. I felt the need to address this topic, because of my goddaughter who
turns 5 next month, who I love by the way as if she was my very own daughter,
asked me what my scars were from last week, when we had them over. She looked
at me, ran her fingers over it, then said auntie what are these from, I was
prepared, I knew this day would come.I said auntie had a accident, and got hurt
on her arm, and that’s the way I scar, when I get any kind of cut.I seemed to
satisfy her question, I could tell she asked out of concern and love.
As the
children in our loves become older and their questions become deeper, it will
give us opportunities to explain healthy coping skills, it will open a door for
a conversation, so be prepared, when we care enough to acknowledge their
concerns, this makes them feel worthy and loved and secure. We can’t let our
feelings of being uncomfortable with this topic stand in the way of opening the
door for open and honest communication with our precious little ones. Little by
little we can explain in such a way it won’t be too much for them to take in,
and they will be able to understand.
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