Every one of my entries, in my blog, purpose is to uplift
and encourage and walk you through this journey. This entry is dedicated to
those out there are who are just starting on this journey, who don’t know which
way to go, who don’t have that diagnosis yet, who feel afraid and feel unsure
as they step into a Unknown world.
Know that when I say
I understand, im not just saying that to make you feel better, i truly know
where you’re coming from, I was in that same spot you are at one time. It was
all new to me, I felt so alone and isolated and fearful of what this journey
would look like, what would it mean for my future. I speak from my deepest part
of my heart and soul, ill be transparent with you and not hold anything back.
I remember like it
was just yesterday.I was 19 when i got that diagnosis, here I'am 35 and stable. I was starring down a monster that I wasn’t sure that I could
beat.It was intimidating, I said” I didn’t ask for this, and the questions just
kept rolling off my tongue. Who would understand, would I even be believed, why
I was feeling these emotions, and why was it so hard to control them. How could
I explain to someone who asked why are you feeling depressed, when I didn’t even
understand it myself. So many questions and not enough answers to be found.
My moods changed
like the seasons, from week to week, day to day and even hour to hour. I felt
like I couldn’t even keep up with myself. Do you feel like that? Do you know
that you’re dealing with depression and you want help to handle it, but are
afraid to take the next step? Dealing with the unknown is very scary, its ok to
feel how you feel, because this is all new to you, but there is help, and there
is no shame in taking that step to get the help. Bipolar is a very real
disease, its chemical imbalance in the brains structure. So what s the next
step you ask, well im more than happy to walk you through the process.
Knowing that you
need help is the first step; no one can take that step for you. We can
encourage you to take it, but you have to take that step, we can walk you
through it, but you have to apply what you learn. Be in prayer as you embark on
this journey, God heals miraculously sometimes and other times he uses the
knowledge of doctors and medications to help you become stable. Find a knowledgeable
and compassionate therapist to help you deal with learning healthy coping skills
and a psychiatrist to help you find the proper medication combination that
works for you. Educate yourself about those medications, every medication has
side effects, some stronger than others, finding the right ones, may take some
time it’s a trial and error, but don’t give up..
Find people who can encourage and uplift you and
can mentor you and guide you, reach out for someone who has been in your shoes,
who knows where your coming from, who has dealt with this, and can offer you
wisdom. And then advocate, which is what I touched upon a little bit before,
this is your life, you know how you feel,
its so important to know your
body, how it reacts, what medications your doctor is putting you on, what are
they for, what are the pros and cons of each one, don’t just sit back and keep your mouth shut. Work with your doctors. By dong that it adds to
the goal of stability, it can and it will happen. I’m living proof of that, I went
from 24 pills a day to none over a long period of time with doctor’s approval
to, now being on 2.
Its been a long
process, ive tasted the bitterest tears, and felt the gut wrenching pain in my
soul.ive looked at my reflection in the mirror with dim eyes, knowing the light
that once was there disappeared was grasping for answers. I was afraid to take
the next step, but I dint want to keep living like this, I know deep down there
was more for me, but because of the cloud of darkness and the irrational thinking,
I didn’t see how I could get from where I was to where I needed to be. This was
my reality; I couldn’t run from it, I was stepping into a unknown territory.
Though we walk a
unknown path, we can trust a all knowing God. He knows our future and the pain
we carry. He knows the dreams you have and he wants them to come true, even
more than you do.This is a new beginning. Close the door to the negative voices
that said you can’t, to the low self esteem, which says im not good enough for
anyone or anything.
When we walk through different kinds of pain, it has a way
of bringing us closer to the heart of God. We have more of a understanding of
the pain others bear. And then we can speak out, but before we speak out, we
have to admit we can’t do this on our own. So take a deep breath, let it out….
You’ve got this, and guess what im here to walk you through will help you see
YOU the way GoD sees you! Ill hold your arms up until you can do it on your
own.
Walk away from the
guilt, the shame, there is no place for them here. We all need a helping hand sometimes.
One small step is all is takes is one small step, closer to being who you were
meant to be…Not letting this disease DEFINE you. Even when those dark days hit,
and they will. I still have them at times, ive learned healthy coping skills.
To get to that point you need to start somewhere. Don’t put off tomorrow what
you can do today.
When you say I need
help, when you say this is beyond me. You have the strength inside, sometimes
it just takes someone to come along and help you bring that strength to the
surface, so you can apply it to your coping skills. Putting a diagnosis to a
disease is one thing, putting a name to your Voice is another? All you have to
do is reach out your hand, take that first step, so you can live to the
fullest, not just survive day to day, hanging by a thread. But clinging to
Jesus all the way!
No comments:
Post a Comment