Importance of Boundaries~

         Good Evening my Beautiful readers. I’ve missed writing in my blog, but I’m back and I’m back in full force. I have some great topics that I will be addressing in the months of April and May so stay tuned! Tonight’s topic is: Having Boundaries to help us cope with our bipolar. So why is it important to have boundaries?

          Well let’s think about this question for a moment. Everything in life needs a balance to it. If our world had no laws, chaos would be running rampant. So if that’s the case, then it applies to us as human beings too, everything we do needs to be in moderation, knowing this its our way of learning to live a healthy life while having mental illness. A boundary says where I end and someone else begins.

     From a personal stand point, when my bipolar was at its worst, there were times I had to pull back from a relationship or a situation because it was not a healthy environment for me to be in, mentally, emotionally and yes even physically meaning, when we don’t surround ourselves with positive people or drama, then it puts unnecessary stress into our path, which in turn brings us down instead of building us up and when our bodies are under stress it will affect us in a physical aspect too.

       We each have the authority what we allow into our lives, who we let influence us, what we watch, where we go, it goes hand in hand I think with what we value in this life. Having boundaries is a learning process to understand, where we draw the line, and what we feel will or will not affects us. I’ve talked about learning healthy coping skills; well this goes hand in hand because putting boundaries in our lives is part of that important process.

      There are situational boundaries, meaning the circumstances in our lives. Knowing when to step back and not let that situation overtake you, or when  to say NO,  that word we need to know when to say, when to step back and  say, I can’t handle that, or im already doing too much right now, we should not be afraid to say no, because we’re afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. We are doing all we can to stay stable and be pro active in our treatments and learning to cope with life.

   Then there is personal boundaries, we need to communicate in healthy ways to those people that we love who are in our lives, our spouses, our co workers, our children, our friends, be open and honest, don’t have false expectations of someone, and know when and what crosses the line. Know your boundaries and be able to express them in a clear and concise way and know others boundaries. Too many relationships fall apart, because those boundaries were not already set in place, how sad is that.

    This is something we all deal with in many different aspects, but rest assured even when boundaries are broken, they can be repaired, but it will take time. When there are healthy limits, and you are aware what you can handle, if you have enough strength, and the resources, we don’t always have those things. That’s ok.

     We want to be there for those in our lives, but there are times we need to step back and take care of ourselves, there is no shame in doing this, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and those you love and in some cases, we have to cut ties because the situation or relationship is just not healthy, and has nothing to offer to our emotional well being.

Our Scars Tell Our Story~

                    We all have a story to tell. We all have a past of where we’ve been and what we’ve been through. Some of that pain leaves deep emotional scars in our lives, scars that may take years to heal. We can’t put a time frame on the Healing of the pain in our hearts, but scars do heal in time. Scars tell our story, not only of the pain, but how far we have come in our journey. I want to look at it this way, ive fought a tiresome and long war, and the scars that I have from my years of self injury are my battle wounds, they remind me, of what I’ve overcome. They remind me how thankful iam to God, for bring me through a very dark time in my life.

                  My journey with self injury began at the young age of 13, it was how I coped with all the bullying I was dealing with in school. There were times if felt like the razor was my only friend, it went from something I tried to a Daily living nightmare, every day I either cut, or the idea of doing it clouded my thinking. I felt trapped, like a prisoner within myself. The more I did it the more addicted I became.

                It got to the point I felt like it was my only release, my only way to cope. It was my dark deep secret. I didn’t want to deal with emotional pain or stress. I would hurt myself on the outside to numb the pain on the inside, other times I did it to punish myself because I always felt like a failure, I felt as if I failed God and everyone who I loved.

               At times I felt like a old used ragdoll. I felt dirty from the  sexual assault that happened when I was 16, I felt tattered and worn and I did not love myself and though I knew people loved me, I didn’t feel worthy of their love, I didn’t want it. Why would they love me, I wasn’t worthy. Not even of God’s love I felt. Look at me I would say as I looked in the mirror with sad empty eyes staring back at me.

                 It became my safety net; my safe place to hide. It really had taken over who I was. At that time I asked who I was. I had been a Christian all my life, and I didn’t even feel worthy of his love. It was my secret. Its why I wore long sleeves to school, and in the early years of our marriage why when Don would ask if I cut, id lie and say no. covering up what I was struggling with became like second nature.

                 I was afraid to even tell my best friends afraid they would not understand or walk away from me. I asked over and over was this going to be my life. Was this the way id cope? It was just a vicious cycle. Such shame followed me.

            What people who don’t understand Self injury have to understand is this, self injury is not usually about wanting to end one’s life, self injury is trying to find a way to deal with ones pain and circumstances. It was my distorted view of coping. When I say distorted, I mean, you think at that time you have no choice, you don’t realize there are healthy coping skills out there. I thought it was normal. It had become such a part of me I knew nothing else.

             Self injury is about trying to survive, that’s what you see through the eyes of someone who self injures. Until your given those tools and resources to learn to cope in healthy ways, until that moment your pulled to it, its like a magnet a force that can’t be reckoned with. The cycle would play over and over every day, stress, feeling overwhelmed, feeling guilty, sh, then guilt, depressed, sh.I started small until it became bigger than I. I knew I needed help.  I finally realized help was out there. It would take time to learn.

             It was through God and intense counseling with a understanding and kind therapist to help me see things clearly, not through my distorted cloudy view any longer. I was hurting on the inside, we had to deal with that pain, and we had to deal with the reasons behind my actions, so I could deal with my addiction of hurting myself. I learned the healthy coping skills. It was as if a priceless gift had been handed to me, I saw Hope, I saw the future for once didn’t seem so bleak and dark.

           I saw myself through Gods eyes a treasure, a daughter of his. I learned to talk out my feelings, not to spell out my pain on my body. I learned to not pretend that my feelings weren’t there. I learned to not run or be afraid. I had to face it head on. When I finally did, the healing began, not all at once, but little by little, I realized I no longer need that razor. I was coming out of a long darkness.

            After 12 Long years of self injury I was set FREE, of the bondage that once held me in such a deep pit. Here I ‘am   free of it for 10 years!!!!!Do the thoughts ever pass through, yes but I can fight them off now.  I have the Victory in Christ, A supportive husband who stood by me who lived out his vows every single day of that dark time. my friends and family. Recovery is Possible! Not on my own strength alone No. but like Philippians 4:13 says: We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us~

We Need Each Other to Lean On~

      How are all my readers tonight? Or wherever you are in the world?  Tonight’s topic is Importance of having a good support network” This is very important, to help us deal with our mental health. So in this blog entry we will discuss why we need a support network, what benefits does having one in place bring to the table, and what ways can we have a support network.

      I know there are many people out there, who don’t have a close family relationship, or their family does not live nearby or maybe, they’ve passed away. One thing I can tell you is family is not always defined by blood relation, family are the people who love you no matter what, who are by your side in the good times and the not so good times. So I encourage you to remember that, while you read this and even if your blood family hasn’t been there for you, there are many who have or are dealing with this that will stand by you.

     The first question is why do we need each other? Well we are human, were made to be relational, and if a person is in isolation all the time, it can have terrible effects on their emotional well being. If you’ve been hurt, you might tend to build a wall around your life, so no more pain can reach your heart, but there is a problem with that solution, because you also block out the love that’s trying to reach your heart, those who want to be there for you cannot break down the wall, so the very thing that you think will protect you, hurts you too.

       I understand ive been hurt by a lot of so called friends over the years, but I reassure you there are many good people in this world, so don’t build walls, build a bridge, so those who are trying to reach you can slowly make it into your heart. Having people in our corner, who understand our hurts, our tears, our emotional pain, is so comforting to know we aren’t the only ones, that we aren’t alone.

      When we have a support system in place, we can talk out our feelings; we have a sounding board in place. When were having a tough day or night, and you go online and there is one of your friends ready and willing to listen to your pain, they aren’t afraid to feel your pain with you. When you’re going through a crisis, and you feel overwhelmed, having that support system in place helps you to stay balanced, so you don’t always break apart. The times I had to be hospitalized years ago, I found such a support within the circle of other patients, I felt safe, I felt at home, like they  knew, it was more than book knowledge, it was I understand where your coming from, the feelings I was having, they were having too.

       So now I can tell you, there are many ways we can have a support network, from a supportive spouse, to supportive parents, to best friends, to other fellow patients, to a support group we attend in person, to our church family, to those we connect with and form deep friendships online. I even find support from doing this blog, because I get a lot of feedback and that inspires me to keep writing, it therapeutic for me and I hope it’s helping you too. So you can see its vitally important as part of keeping us stable to have a support network in place, don’t wait until a crisis hits, or your depression starts to get bad, don’t wait until then,  have it set in place and you will be thankful you did!

What Are Triggers, and How Do They Affect Bipolar?

Good Evening Friends, Hope today has been a good day for you. For those who are really struggling, I send up extra prayers for you on your behalf. Today’s Topic is “What are triggers, and how they do play a role in managing bipolar?”

    Some of you are probably wondering what I’m referring to if you’ve just become diagnosed, or maybe you know exactly what I’m referring to .The Things that set you off, the Things that trigger deep dark emotions that come pouring out into your daily lives. As someone who dealt with bipolar, who knows all about triggers and how they can bring you down so quickly, especially if you aren’t ware of what they are and how you will react.

   It’s very important to understand your illness; it’s important to know the issues that can, or will set you off. Some will be personal to you; others will be relatable to most of us. If you have trust issues, then that might be a trigger for you. If you have abandonment issues then that would be a issue for you. If there was a death in your family, that will bring up emotions. We can’t run from bipolar, but we can learn to cope and live healthy and productive lives in every sense of the word. There are other personal issues that might trigger an episode, so be aware, and plan ahead on how you will handle them when they come along.

    Then there are those triggers that are common sense, and will apply to each of us, to keep us stable and to be able to cope with our illness in such a way that won’t send us into a downward spiral or upward manic episode. So here those are: Making sure that you eat healthy, it’s not about a diet, it’s about a lifestyle change that will impact your entire body, and that includes your mind. Just like we need to care for our bodies when they are sick, we need to care for our minds too. Then there is getting plenty of sleep, that’s a big one, which was one that was a trigger for me, lack of sleep plays into how our brains function, and can makes it tough for those dealing with bipolar to think with clarity. And there is a big one….STRESS yes that word that we all hate, but all have in some form, part of learning healthy coping skills in learning to handle stress when it comes, in  healthy ways, not letting it take over our thoughts.

    These all play into each other, you can now see why its important to know your triggers, if your job is stressing you out, that could be one of your triggers, if a relationship is wearing you down, and hurting you emotionally or physically, then that would be a trigger, so stresses in our lives can turn into triggers if we aren’t aware of them and have a plan of action on how to handle them in the most effective way

     .Learning what your triggers are will help you better manage your bipolar in a much more productive and healthy way. Talking about your feelings will help you recognize them, if you are not sure, what might help in the begging of this process is keeping a journal or a log of what triggers you and then bring it with you to your therapy appointments and discuss those issues, so you can get a professional input on how to cope.

   Knowing what triggers a episode  for you, planning ahead and being proactive in your treatment is important, you can do it, its takes time ,I’ve been stable and off most of my meds for over 10  years, I know what my triggers are and I daily stay on top of them, so I will not have setbacks. I now hope to pass on these things ive learned, so you too can be proactive and have more understanding of bipolar

How Does Bipolar Affect the Spouse?

       It’s a cold day outside, I so look forward to the spring time when everything is in full bloom. Good afternoon my readers. I hope today finds you in good spirits, doing the best you can, and knowing that you are not alone in this disease. Today’s topic is: “How does a diagnosis of bipolar affect the spouse?”I know many of you have asked yourself that very question.

      My story of bipolar  goes all the way back to the young age of 19, that was the year I got married, and I can say that though we married young , I found a keeper.  Don is 5 years older than I. We went through extensive pre marital counseling with one of the pastors and his wife from our church. Here I’am 35 and stable. We are now been married for 15 wonderful years. Dons parents told don while we were engaged, do you realize what you will be taking on, just so he understood, that it was going to be a tough ride, being by my side while id dealt with bipolar. Despite my diagnosis don stood his ground, it was so evident that he truly loved me, all of me and wanted to spend his life by my side no matter what that entailed.

      Don had some understanding of depression, only because his own mother dealt with it, her diagnosis was not bipolar, but it had been very severe. His parents had a strong loving marriage, a wonderful example for don to imitate his own marriage after. He saw daily how his father treated his mom with love and understanding.  And yet it was still very tough on don’s dad, but that’s where don’s father had a lot of wisdom to give his son in helping me.

     This topic can   be  two sided,  when you think about it, it can be tough on the spouse,  because it can be  very tiresome at times, it can be scary, not knowing how the person you love, that you chose to live out your days with, will feel from day to day or even moment to moment. It also can be tough on the one who has the bipolar, because they see how this affects the one they love and sometimes things are said or done and then the guilt sets in and you feel like you’re a burden to your spouse and you may feel like they deserve better! I’ve been there I dealt with those very same feelings at one time

    I know there were times I felt like I was robbing him of happiness, those days I was so depressed I couldn’t even get out of bed, and we had plans to go some place or visit, I felt so guilty. I felt like he resented me at times. Yet that was never the case. Don had a way of  giving me support in my worse moments, it was tough on him I won’t lie, but he had a very good support system between my family and his parents and our church family and friends that got him through all those  times I had to be hospitalized when I became unstable. My message to you with that is . You deserve love and happiness to, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t want to love you, not just in the good days, but the bad and worse ones too. Encourage your spouse to learn and educate themselves, so they can understand where you’re coming from.

     It takes someone special to understand this. In our marriage vows that we had exchanged we said in sickness and in health, like I’ve said before, mental illness is like any other disease, we just need love and understanding from those in our lives, we don’t ask for much. I think about, many times how our marriage survived those early years of my diagnosis, when the bipolar was at its worst, when I was in and out of the hospital. The many times I tried to end my life. How did we stay together? Well we made a vow before God and we took that vow very seriously.

        God was our strength in the midst of the storm, we had good communication tools to use that our pastor taught us, we spent time in God’s word to help guide us and encourage us. And of course we loved each other, with unconditional love. Also don wanted to understand what I was dealing with, so he talked a lot to my doctors, we even had couples therapy to help him understand more what I was dealing with. It’s very important for not just the one who has the bipolar to be in some kind of counseling, but for the spouse as well.

    It’s important to have a good support system in place, friends that will rally around the spouse and help them, on the days it seems too much. Love each other, and know this disease doesn’t just affect you, its affects those around you, those who love you. Be in the fight against this together. It makes all the difference in the world. Thank you Don from the bottom of my heart I thank you for your patience, love and understanding to get me through all those years.