How Does Bipolar Affect the Spouse?

       It’s a cold day outside, I so look forward to the spring time when everything is in full bloom. Good afternoon my readers. I hope today finds you in good spirits, doing the best you can, and knowing that you are not alone in this disease. Today’s topic is: “How does a diagnosis of bipolar affect the spouse?”I know many of you have asked yourself that very question.

      My story of bipolar  goes all the way back to the young age of 19, that was the year I got married, and I can say that though we married young , I found a keeper.  Don is 5 years older than I. We went through extensive pre marital counseling with one of the pastors and his wife from our church. Here I’am 35 and stable. We are now been married for 15 wonderful years. Dons parents told don while we were engaged, do you realize what you will be taking on, just so he understood, that it was going to be a tough ride, being by my side while id dealt with bipolar. Despite my diagnosis don stood his ground, it was so evident that he truly loved me, all of me and wanted to spend his life by my side no matter what that entailed.

      Don had some understanding of depression, only because his own mother dealt with it, her diagnosis was not bipolar, but it had been very severe. His parents had a strong loving marriage, a wonderful example for don to imitate his own marriage after. He saw daily how his father treated his mom with love and understanding.  And yet it was still very tough on don’s dad, but that’s where don’s father had a lot of wisdom to give his son in helping me.

     This topic can   be  two sided,  when you think about it, it can be tough on the spouse,  because it can be  very tiresome at times, it can be scary, not knowing how the person you love, that you chose to live out your days with, will feel from day to day or even moment to moment. It also can be tough on the one who has the bipolar, because they see how this affects the one they love and sometimes things are said or done and then the guilt sets in and you feel like you’re a burden to your spouse and you may feel like they deserve better! I’ve been there I dealt with those very same feelings at one time

    I know there were times I felt like I was robbing him of happiness, those days I was so depressed I couldn’t even get out of bed, and we had plans to go some place or visit, I felt so guilty. I felt like he resented me at times. Yet that was never the case. Don had a way of  giving me support in my worse moments, it was tough on him I won’t lie, but he had a very good support system between my family and his parents and our church family and friends that got him through all those  times I had to be hospitalized when I became unstable. My message to you with that is . You deserve love and happiness to, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t want to love you, not just in the good days, but the bad and worse ones too. Encourage your spouse to learn and educate themselves, so they can understand where you’re coming from.

     It takes someone special to understand this. In our marriage vows that we had exchanged we said in sickness and in health, like I’ve said before, mental illness is like any other disease, we just need love and understanding from those in our lives, we don’t ask for much. I think about, many times how our marriage survived those early years of my diagnosis, when the bipolar was at its worst, when I was in and out of the hospital. The many times I tried to end my life. How did we stay together? Well we made a vow before God and we took that vow very seriously.

        God was our strength in the midst of the storm, we had good communication tools to use that our pastor taught us, we spent time in God’s word to help guide us and encourage us. And of course we loved each other, with unconditional love. Also don wanted to understand what I was dealing with, so he talked a lot to my doctors, we even had couples therapy to help him understand more what I was dealing with. It’s very important for not just the one who has the bipolar to be in some kind of counseling, but for the spouse as well.

    It’s important to have a good support system in place, friends that will rally around the spouse and help them, on the days it seems too much. Love each other, and know this disease doesn’t just affect you, its affects those around you, those who love you. Be in the fight against this together. It makes all the difference in the world. Thank you Don from the bottom of my heart I thank you for your patience, love and understanding to get me through all those years.