What Emotions do I listen to?

              Another day has just about come to a close, and it was a good day, I spent the afternoon with my cousin Amiee and we had a nice time catching up, and we watched the dvd movie of my husband and my 10^th vow renewal from 2008, and since she was not there for it, I got to share it still with her because my other cousin Melissa, recorded it for us.  And so my readers you know don and I have now been married 15 joyous years. I enjoy days that I can just be in the moment and enjoy those that are in my life.

                  So the topic I want to address  in this entry is “What emotions do we listen to “We know with bipolar and with life in general, it as though we ride a roller coaster daily, sometimes even hourly. Life is full of ups, downs, celebrations and times of tears. Just like in Ecclesiastes 3, tells us, there is a season for everything under heaven. The reason why I included that in here is, it’s not just those who deal with bipolar that experience overwhelming feelings, and can be taken for a ride by the emotions they feel, and can get caught up in the moment of despair or happiness.

              Now that I pointed that out, there are two reasons I wanted to discuss this topic, first, the last few days I’ve been in a slump, not because of the bipolar, which has been in check, but because of my chronic pain from my bladder disease, that I deal with and feeling overwhelmed, I wasn’t sleeping well and it did start to wear on my emotions.

                 I was having bad thoughts, and yes they were just thoughts, I just wanted to cry, I felt like the tears would not stop falling from my eyes. I felt  extreme guilt, because I can’t work, because of my health, but I realized I can’t let myself go there to those thoughts, I can’t get pulled in, and under the blackness and let despair take over and make it its home in my mind and heart. I also know how much those who deal with bipolar struggle within themselves, it can become a vicious cycle, because we know after we become depressed, and we say or do something that hurts ourselves or others guilt then sets in. Then the cycle begins all over again.

                So what emotions do we listen to? How do we filter out the reality of the situation were in or the reality of what the truth is versus how we feel at that moment. Its not easy, it something that takes time. For example, I’ve been feeling last few days, that I was worthless, but I KNOW that to be false why because first off, I’m a CHILD of God.

              I have a purpose on this earth. Second I didn’t feel loved, but I know that my husband loves me, he shows me in his actions every day, I know my family loves me by  them standing by me and being there for me when I’ve needed them. I know my friends love me, they tell me and show me in their actions. I felt like I was a burden to my husband, but that’s not the reality, its how I felt, I can’t help  how my health, physical health has taken its toll on my body, so I can’t blame myself for that. Our feelings can change, we know at times with the drop of a pin, were happy then you’re feeling sad, then you might be on top of the world.

             One thing I’ve learned over the years from dealing with Bipolar, and being able to get it in check and be stable is WE are our OWN worst enemy sometimes. We expect so much from ourselves, we beat ourselves up when we feel we fall short of others expectations or our own. Another very important aspect is what we put in our lives affects how we handle life’s problems and how we see the world and those around us. 

              When we fill our lives with hope and faith, and uplifting people then we are more apt to see through the false emotions that try to pull us down. It’s not easy and I won’t pretend it is. We know with bipolar, life can be going fine and we feel hopeless at times, we feel no one loves us and everyone would be better off without us, but that’s just not the case, you are LOVED beyond words by the very one who created you. No one can do as good of a job fulfilling your purpose, other than YOU.

             So when you feel depressed, don’t beat yourself up, God gave us emotions, not just the good, but sadness to, if the eye never cried, how could we appreciate, the joy in this life. Its how we deal with our feelings that matters, remember we can feel a certain way, but that doesn’t mean that’s the reality. Now let me make sure you understand, I’ve had a terrible time with my depression over the years, I hated how it made me feel, but all of it has made me stronger.

            You can fight this monster. You can rise above the pain. You can let it define you or REFINE you into the person God has meant you to be, my journey hasn’t been easy, but I’m using my story to help you all through this blog, I’m being honest with you all, sharing with you the good and the bad. I will close with this. Feelings come, and feeling go, but don’t let those fleeting feelings take over what is really true, God loves you and I do too , my precious readers. You will come out on the other side, it may be raining now, but the rain has to stop and the sun has to shine AGAIN!