Raging Against the Bipolar Rage~

     Do you ever feel like your raging against yourself, like you’re fighting a monster within? Today’s topic is Bipolar Rage. What is it, and how do we cope when you feel so out of control. This is very real and can be very scary for anyone, for those who are just starting out on this journey, it can feel overwhelming. I’m here to explain it from my personal experiences with this, and give you positive ways to learn to cope.

   In the early days of my diagnosis, this rage was something that I really struggled with. It was like I was watching myself, act out, as if I was a totally different person. There is a lot of those days, that I cant remember because I was so out of it, so I had to ask my husband what those days, those moments were like. He told me that a lot of times I felt misunderstood, or that I couldn’t get others to understand how I was feeling, and the more they tried to help me the more I would rage, I just couldn’t see they were trying to help me. When you are going through an episode, you don’t think straight.

   I was a much laid back kind of person, so when this rage reared its ugly head, I didn’t know what it was or how to deal with it and the emotions I was feeling. Bipolar Rage is very real, its sudden unexpected outbursts of anger and aggression.

   Mine  came out on myself, It was a inward battle I fought, I raged  on the outside, while inside I screamed loudly, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. I hated what I did, and I felt so out of control. All the emotions that I didn’t understand, or know how to process just came bubbling over. But I have to say the rage was the worst for me, I would zone out a lot, and later remember what I said or what I broke. A lot of guilt would flow since id break things that had sentimental value to me. I know id say things that hurt my husband when I was going through one of these episodes and I felt so awful afterwards, I would just cry in his arms. And yet all the while, he was so understanding and patient with me.

   Its very important to understand this rage and why it happens. It’s also important to understand the triggers that throw you into a episode, its all part of the coping process, Whether it’s a stressful situation in our lives or a person in our lives that sets us off. We need to know what to avoid and how to cope in healthy, positive ways.

   One thing that I want to emphasis through sharing my story and blog is<Bipolar can be treated, and you can learn how to deal with the inner rage. Stability is a goal that can be achieved! Its important to learn why you feel the way you do, once a therapist is able to help you work through these feelings, you will have a a better understanding of why you do what you do. Then you learn positive alternatives to cope when those stressful triggering situations arise, so you don’t act out irrationally.

    I remember the days when my rage seemed out of control, and of course there si the fear if people know they will label you crazy or will walk away. Understanding this helps you not only deal with it, but if your spouse or friend or even child has rage, you will understand where it is they are coming from. You are not alone. There is Hope and I can tell you from personal experience that Ive been stable for 11 years. And off most of my meds, with doctors approval and im leading a stable and happy life. I dealt with my feelings, I learned its not healthy to just tuck our pain inside deep in our hearts, emotions are a gift from God, and learning how to cope, is so important. We don’t need to feel out of control. God has brought much Healing into the dark crevasses of my life, and shined  Hope and light into them, and now I can share my story and offer Hope to all who need it. I’m here if you have any questions, or need a listening ear.