Part 2 "Getting the Most out of Your Hospitalzation"

Hello Beautiful readers, hope all is well! So here, we are starting the 2^nd part of this series. I hope you found the first part very informative and encouraging.  on to part 2 which is:  “Getting the most out of your hospitalization” Just so you all know I know what I’m talking about ive had 9 inpatient hospital stays and quite a few outpatient day programs over the years, so I know what’s the process is like and what it’s like on the inside. My last hospitalization was in 2002 I hope to never to return.

 Therefore, in the last entry, we talked in detail about why hospization is important and why the mental health field, government is failing patients and they are falling through the cracks and never getting the professional help they need to become stable again.

 Which brings us to the continuing process, once they find that you are unstable and need medication monitoring or adjusting or you are suicidal you are brought up to the ward and they take all your belongings mostly and lock them up safe. Anything you can harm yourself with like shoelaces and sharp objects are put out of your reach. You then are assigned a doctor and caseworker and there are groups that are required to attend. They keep you very busy with meetings, activities, and groups! Ive had good experiences, bad, and ugly! But that’s just the truth!

Seems like only yesterday; the doors closed behind me and locked, as I waved to Don Goodbye. tears rolled down my face, I knew I’d see him again, but it didn’t make the separation any easier .I would always feel so alone, not knowing anyone. In those  early years of  my bipolar, when I had to be hospitalized, I would fight the treatment sometimes, id not want to go to groups, or meetings, id want to sleep all day, but they don’t allow that, not the places ive been hospitalized.

I want to say I know how scary being admitted is, speaking from experience, I know how your feeling. I have also been on the other side for quite a while now and it took me awhile to come to the realization that they know what they are talking about to help you get on the road of stability. to get better to be able to live your life again, not just survive, but live a full life, we have to work with the doctors, the only way you will be on your way to getting better and stable is getting the most out of your hospitalization.

  I know easier said than done. I know it feels like you have lost your independence and yes in a way you have, for a time and season.  You have to look at it in this light, its investing in your overall health. its giving you the tools to learn how to cope and deal with feelings, emotions and experiences on the outside. Your team, your doctor, nurse,, caseworker, are all on your side, but they can’t do the work for you, they are equipping you to have those necessary tools.

I remember going to the groups for the very first time, I was so nervous I did not want to say anything. Would these people accept me, would they judge me, let me tell ya, I’ve met some of the most amazing and understanding people, the other patients understand where your coming from, I always said I got the most from talking to  those around me, sharing in each other’s stories and pain.

You see you have to look at this experience as a complete picture. Your team of doctors, your caseworker, your fellow patients, groups, even craft time, which by the way I always loved those. This is all part of your treatment plan you are not required to talk to other patients, but you will. you will find yourself talking to someone in the dayroom who has experienced something  similar to you, you will find a common ground, that you have something in common, a bond, your both fighting this battle, and this battle has brought both of you here, now, for a reason to meet like this. Take it all in, don’t fight what you can’t change, remember leave shame at the door, when you come in, there is no shame in being here and getting help, that’s strength strength that succeeds all others!

Be honest with your doctors, if your lie about how you feel you will not get help. I know this is not a fun place to be, my heart breaks for you, but sometimes we need that extra help from the outside, be willing to work with them, the process will go much smoother, I can assure you of that! Its ok to be scared, they understand.

The groups are therapeutic hearing others experiences and giving each other advice sometimes. The craft times are times to be creative and to relax, but it helps us sort out how we feel. You will be surprised, if you are willing to do your part while in there, they will do theirs. I cannot stress this enough be honest with your team and your family.

   Do not brush aside what you are taught, use it, and apply it to your daily life! if you are open and willing, you will get a lot out of your hospitalization, if not, I pray you will come to realize you  might need this step and it will be so beneficial for you. You will not regret it, it will give you those tools and you will go out back into the world with a renewed perspective on your life and how you feel!

Part 1 in Series Called in the Holding Room~

Good evening readers’ hope your mood is stable today’s hope you realize what a gift a precious valuable gift your life is to this world. Tonight I am starting a 3 part series on a very in-depth and interesting topic. Why is hospitalization important and where the mental health community is failing as a whole. The first part of the series will focus on” the holding room”

  The holding room is where a person goes in the ER to be seen by a psychiatrist, and have psychiatric evaluation, to see if they are mentally stable enough or need to be admitted in toe psych ward. We can all agree health is important, knowing our bodies and caring for them is vital to be healthy and productive person in society.

 There have been numerous efforts to emphasize the importance of mental health treatments and give mental health the same emphasis as physical health. I find it so sad when such a stigma overshadows mental health and who suffers most are the patients and their families! Even with the efforts being made, mental health treatment has lagged behind the psychical health. Health refers to Mind, body and Spirit. Our bodies are intricately designed so that one affects the other.

I recall a few years back reading a article in the newspaper about a mother whose son had bipolar and she brought him to the hospital to get help and treatment. To get him stabilized in a hospital setting. I remember her frustration and anger because her son was put into a room and left there, only to find out they had no room and could not get him a bed. He was at risk of harming himself and he never got the help he so desperately needed! He fell through the cracks of the mental health community. How sad is that, when someone who needs help and seek sit out is not able to receive it find that heartbreaking!

So here is my own personal story of being in the holding room! Thankfully, I got the help I needed! For many do not ever see that help. I recall the first time I was suicidal and my fiancé at the time brought me to the ER. your brought to a small room and a security guard stands at your door to make sure you don’t leave or hurt yourself remember like it was yesterday, how scared I was, just laying there on that small cot., holding dons hand! Waiting and waiting for the doctor and the caseworker to come see and talk to me.

I would be put through a series of questions about my life, my medical history, my moods and why I feel suicidal. It was a long tiresome process, One that I had been through many times. However, the feelings never changed of how scared I was each time I was in there. The evaluation is to determine if your stable enough to go home or will they need to admit you! I got help. Yet what happens to those who do not? What happens when no beds are available!

People can speak out, debate, and argue the fact that more money needs to go into hospitals and mental health field. Although there is a emphasis on the importance of treating mental health, it still not viewed in the same light of importance as physical health! Society’s priorities will only change when money is put where the government’s mouths are. Otherwise, those who suffer, suffer with the fear that they will not be able to get help. This is why it is vital so important, I cannot stress this enough to speak out and speak your story to whoever will listen, the more we do not sit in silence the more people will become aware of the epidemic that this is! Not the stigma or the way media portrays mental health, but the reality and the clear picture of who we are.

Things need to change, before another human being falls between the cracks and another life is lost and left alone to their pain and desperation. Please check back tomorrow night for part 2 of the series” Getting the most of Hospitalizations?

Regreting Things We Said or Things We Did~

   If I only could erase what I said to him, if only. If only I had handled that situation better. Why do I do the things I do? Those questions were endless at one point in my journey of dealing with my bipolar. The tears stung my face as words were exchanged. I let my anger get the best of me; my rage was triggered by something he said. What did he say I can’t recall, all I know is that I regret things I’ve said and things I’ve done .Did you ever ask yourself these questions?

   Regret is a big part of dealing with mental health. For so long I felt like I had no control over my emotions, that they controlled me. I felt like at the drop of a hat I would flip like a switch from happy to sad, to angry to depressed and back to ecstatic, a roller coaster of emotions ruled my days and many times I did not want to take responsibility for my actions! I would think its because of my bipolar I act that way and there is no way I can help myself .boy was I wrong. I was a victim to my feelings and I let shame and anger rule my life.

  Let me explain, bipolar yes is a chemical imbalance in our brains that we have no control over. HOWEVER, we can learn to control how we react, and what we react to. We can learn healthy coping skills, so that when our emotions want to play havoc on our actions or words, we think things through, its not easy in any sense of the word, I fell many times. I don’t like to live a life of regret, but  life in general is a growing process, we are all human, so we all make mistakes all the while we’re learning to handle our own feelings, when they come to the surface.

  I know that I was not a easy person to live with at times, I’m sure it played on my husband’s sanity at moments, but he was a strong man, who loved me unconditionally and even when it was difficult to love me, his love remained steadfast.  When I did not love myself, he loved me anyways! We can’t live under the blanket of regret, that leads to bitterness and a cycle of anger and a wall is built between the person you love and yourself. Shame follows and then you find yourself not loving yourself and the cycle begins again! I’ve said things and done things I regret from those days, but those I hurt forgave me and most importantly I know God has forgiven me and I forgive myself and then we have to move on.

   We can’t stay connected to the pain, to that moment, its in the past, we too must move past it and leave it there. Today is a new day, with no mistakes yet. Knowing how you feel and why you feel, and what will, you do when you feel is all part of the journey. Its not going to be perfect in a nice neat package, but day by day were all learning how to cope and how to relate and let go of what was and live in the moment of what is.

Depression can be very Isolating~

   She hides away in her bedroom, with curtains drawn; this is where she spends her days and lives her life, behind the closed door, safe and alone with her thoughts. Inside these four walls, she hides from the outside world. She once was a vibrant outgoing person. She had hopes and dreams, and she felt like she had a purpose. Now she feels she is just a glimpse of the person she was, tainted images of a life she once lived. Now the light in her eyes has dimmed, she spends her days crying and alone. She Separated from everyone who loved her, separated from the outside world, spending her days living on the outside, looking in.

Have you ever felt like this young woman? I know I have many times over the years. There are many reasons why a person isolated himself or herself. Sometimes difficult circumstances make us retreat into ourselves. Into our own liitle world, where we feel safe, where we wont feel judging eyes, ist when we feel like we have no support, we feel utterly alone.

Isolation im focusing on is that which comes with depression, why do we isolate ourselves when we are depressed? It could be because we don’t feel others will understand where were coming from, or we just don’t want to be around people, speaking from experience I understand this all to well, for many years when my bipolar was at its worst hid away.

    I did not like to be around crowds. I found every reason to cancel plans or retreat into my safe place, I withdrew socially would stay home when my husband would go out with friends, I know it was tough on him, but I couldn’t explain my feelings, I dint understand them myself, so how could I possibly explain how I felt to the man I loved?

  It became a vicious cycle of, I would be depressed, so id isolate and then the more I isolated the more depressed I got and the more depressed I go the more I just stayed away from everyone and everything! Then the fear came, what would others think, how can I look like I have it together hen inside im trying to escape from my thoughts and myself! I felt like io could no longer relate to people, I felt inadequate. What is certain is depression and isolation go hand in hand with one another.

 So many years I was that girl I described, afraid of me afraid of my own shadow, afraid of who was staring  back at me, I thought id im feeling this down, I don’t want to bring others down with me and yes I almost lost myself. Thankfully, with God’s help, my husband and family and friends and therapy I was able to focus on the root causes. I accepted how I felt, I learned to deal and healthy coping. Those raw emotions were no longer buried deep within my soul.

  I finally was able to step out into the world again, not just with a painted smile, but I became alive again .I no longer felt the need to hide away .Im here to tell you there is hope and your depression doesn’t have to isolate you from the rest of the world. We learn to cope, and we learn to talk instead of hide. We step out from behind the four walls, open the door and embrace the beauty of life once again.