Regreting Things We Said or Things We Did~

   If I only could erase what I said to him, if only. If only I had handled that situation better. Why do I do the things I do? Those questions were endless at one point in my journey of dealing with my bipolar. The tears stung my face as words were exchanged. I let my anger get the best of me; my rage was triggered by something he said. What did he say I can’t recall, all I know is that I regret things I’ve said and things I’ve done .Did you ever ask yourself these questions?

   Regret is a big part of dealing with mental health. For so long I felt like I had no control over my emotions, that they controlled me. I felt like at the drop of a hat I would flip like a switch from happy to sad, to angry to depressed and back to ecstatic, a roller coaster of emotions ruled my days and many times I did not want to take responsibility for my actions! I would think its because of my bipolar I act that way and there is no way I can help myself .boy was I wrong. I was a victim to my feelings and I let shame and anger rule my life.

  Let me explain, bipolar yes is a chemical imbalance in our brains that we have no control over. HOWEVER, we can learn to control how we react, and what we react to. We can learn healthy coping skills, so that when our emotions want to play havoc on our actions or words, we think things through, its not easy in any sense of the word, I fell many times. I don’t like to live a life of regret, but  life in general is a growing process, we are all human, so we all make mistakes all the while we’re learning to handle our own feelings, when they come to the surface.

  I know that I was not a easy person to live with at times, I’m sure it played on my husband’s sanity at moments, but he was a strong man, who loved me unconditionally and even when it was difficult to love me, his love remained steadfast.  When I did not love myself, he loved me anyways! We can’t live under the blanket of regret, that leads to bitterness and a cycle of anger and a wall is built between the person you love and yourself. Shame follows and then you find yourself not loving yourself and the cycle begins again! I’ve said things and done things I regret from those days, but those I hurt forgave me and most importantly I know God has forgiven me and I forgive myself and then we have to move on.

   We can’t stay connected to the pain, to that moment, its in the past, we too must move past it and leave it there. Today is a new day, with no mistakes yet. Knowing how you feel and why you feel, and what will, you do when you feel is all part of the journey. Its not going to be perfect in a nice neat package, but day by day were all learning how to cope and how to relate and let go of what was and live in the moment of what is.