How Does One Handle the Dignosis?

         Good evening my readers, I realize the days I take off from blogging, just how much I miss doing it, but like with everything in life, there needs to be an equal healthy balance. Today’s topic is about “How do you deal with that official diagnosis?”Many of you are starting out on this journey; others have walked it for quite some time. We know everyone handles circumstances different, that’s what makes us all so amazingly unique.

        The question I’m throwing out there today is. How do you handle the news when the doctor says… you have bipolar? Do you run, and deny the truth? Do you accept it and learn to cope? Do you get angry and fight against it? Are you afraid and just shut down? All these are normal feelings to have when given such news. But I can reassure you, it’s not the end, it’s how we embrace and react, that will make all the difference.

        I’ve heard people give different answers to this question? Many of them have felt so alone and isolated, and many never even realized that they weren’t alone. Others whose families did not give any kind of support and   they just looked the other way or looked at you like you were trying to get attention. Nothing hurts more than when those who are suppose to be our family lack in the compassion area .I’ve been very blessed over the years to have an Amazing supportive family.

        It can feel like you’ve been hit by a ton of bricks, that this is a life sentence and that you will forever be tied to the label of a diagnosis of bipolar. As with any struggle we face in this life, there is HOPE… even if we feel it’s a thread, there is Hope! When we surround ourselves with others who are dealing with this too, who have already been down this road and have learned to cope, seek those individuals out, they are the ones who can help light the way.

      Don’t shut down, reach out for help, we weren’t meant to walk this life alone, WE need one another. I encourage you all to work on changing your view, it won’t happen all at once, and I can reassure you feelings of all kinds will come, but knowing you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, there is a NAME to it, and you know there is Help out there, can make a world of difference in hearing a diagnosis and becoming prisoner to it, verses hearing it, and learning what it means and how to live a productive and beautiful life you so deserve.

The Important role of Proper Medication and Montoring~

                                   Good afternoon Readers. I hope and pray that today is not a bad day for you. I know all too well how quickly moods change with Bipolar and depression. This entry is going to address the topic of the importance of medication and how it plays a very vital role in staying stable and being able to function.

                                I know who likes to have to take meds? They do play a role in how well you will be able to function from day to day. Don’t get me wrong Medication is not the end all solution, its only part of the very big puzzle that we need to have put together. It’s a combined effort of a Good therapist, one that you feel comfortable with, it’s learning healthy coping skills, it’s figuring out what medications will work for you, because just like we are all different as people, medications affect people differently.

                           One thing I’ve learned over the years of dealing with bipolar is I had to be very open and honest with my psychiatrist, so they could help me figure out what combination of meds would work best for me. I also learned as time went on to do my research, most meds out there will have some kind of side effects, trying to figure out which ones have the least amount is important. Its about weighting the pros and the Cons.

               Like I said no one likes to take medicine, but it’s out there to help us and there is no shame in taking it. But I will state this right now, there is no magic pill, there is no happy pill, yes it sounds wonderful maybe, but, dealing with mental illness is also about learning healthy skills to help you cope with things that trigger the depression and mania.

           I’m no therapist, but I dealt with Bipolar on a very severe scale for many years. I had it all counseling for years, medications up to 24 pills a day. And in and out of the hospital, now im stable. I have been for years, when I went on to college; I even took psychology courses because I understood it so well and was fascinated by how the human brain works.

            I remember those roller coaster days, when my moods were ever changing and I never knew how I would feel from moment to moment. When I did find the right combination of meds years ago and I started my new routine of taking them every morning, afternoon and evening, after a while I started to feel better. So I thought I don’t need my medication anymore, the thing was the reason I was feeling better, was because the medication was working. But sometimes dealing with bipolar, we can’t think clearly, we can’t see the whole picture and I was quick to stop taking them, I felt I no longer needed them.

        This is where it can be very dangerous, not just because the medication helps us function, but also because since some of more severe side effects than others, it’s not safe to abruptly stop them, especially without a doctor’s consent. Be honest with your doctor, there were times I needed more meds than other times and higher doses, but those were times and seasons, remember it’s not just about the medications it’s about talking out your feelings, learning coping skills, so when the stress hits and the emotions rage, then you will be able to act rationally and not act out on those feelings. Above all having Hope, my FAITH has helped me so much and of course a healthy support system in place is important as well!

Part 1 of my STORY~ When Depression reared its Head~

                           This blog would not be complete if I did not share my Story, of dealing with Bipolar. I’m not just going to encourage you; I want to share with you what I’ve been through. When did it start, and how did it affect me and those closest to me. So let’s go back to my teen years. I want to say I had what many would call a story book childhood, loving parents, a home full of love and I was always surrounded by family and friends. Then all changed as I entered my teen years. My surroundings did not change, but something inside of me did.

                         I went through my normal routine with school and family gatherings, but slowly I started to isolate myself more and more, my parents did not know what to make of this new behavior, they thought at first it was just teen hormones, but it became very evident  pretty quickly that this was much more than normal teen mood swings. I started to feel depressed, I had a tough time in junior high and high school and I missed a lot of school because I was so depressed and was bullied a lot, which of course added to the depression. I was only 13 and I felt like my world was falling apart at the seams, I was so afraid, I was afraid of myself and how quickly my moods would change. My grades were slipping and I was sinking deeper and deeper, into a pit of despair that I could not pull myself up from.

              My parents scheduled me to see a therapist the following week. My youth group was getting ready to go away for a winter retreat, on the outside I was so excited, inside I was scared, would I be accepted, there was a boy that I liked and he would be going on the retreat too, to make a long story short, he didn’t like me in the way I liked him and I took it very hard, but a lot more was going on than just upset about that crush I had, it just triggered the depression  and I became suicidal. When we returned from the retreat my youth leader spoke to my parents and my parents got me in to see a councilor the very next day.

     For the very first time I was sitting across the room from a therapist, hearing the words your suffering with clinical depression and she went on to tell me she would be putting me on antidepressants and on and on she went. This was all so new to me, I felt overwhelmed just by everything I was hearing. I had a lot of support though from my parents and her and our  friends, but of course there were friends who just did not understand, who told me the words that cut me like a  knife “I can’t handle being your friend” or why can’t you just snap out of this. If only they thought before they spoke, so I can say I lost a lot of SO CALLED friends. Anyone who knows me knows I’m loyal to my friends’ was taught to have friends you need to be a FRIEND. Love each other through the good and bad times, but to some people those words mean nothing.

        It was also during my early teens that I started to self injuring, to help me cope with these ever changing moods. I started doing it almost every day for awhile. It was if my razor blade was my only friend, and since I was isolating myself so much, it was a vicious cycle of depression, and guilt and then I would punish myself if I could not deal, I will go into the topic of SH later in the blog, because it something I dealt with for over 12 years and have now been FREE of it for 10 YEARS.

   I have so much I want to share with you. I have so much I want to encourage you with. I know there are a bunch of topics that a lot of you are dealing with, some of you have just been diagnosed, and some have been fighting this inner monster for years.

  Sadly this was just the beginning of this very long journey for me,Here i'am at 35 now, and I can THANK GOD I’m still here and doing Really well mentally and can now share my life experiences with you and let you know there is still HOPE~

Depression Intro~

                            Depression is such an ugly word. It’s as though you feel like your Pressed down and you can go on. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s a inward fight daily to survive the thoughts that seem to try to take over our minds. To push through, to keep on keeping on, when all you want to do is to curl up in that bed of yours, and pull the covers over your head and escape the world outside those 4 walls.

                         I had years of therapy, some were very good therapists, others not so much. No one knows us better than those who suffer with this disease. I want this blog to be as relatable as I can make it not just someone who has done research, and trying to understand. That’s not the case at all, because im someone who has lived with this, who dealt with this day in and day out and has come out on the other side with a better understanding of the disease and who I’m and what my triggers are. Who has learned healthy coping skills and boundaries to not let stress get the best of me.

            This blog will take you into the mind of someone who has dealt with bipolar, who has a passion to help others deal with it. I’ve found my reason to be happy. I understand that when you suffer with Bipolar, your depressed and most of the times, you don’t even know why, but we know it’s a chemical imbalance in our brains, which in my next entry ill go into much more details. It’s learning to accept what we can’t change, to not try to live up to everyone’s expectations. It’s about growing and learning.

                It truly is a process, a very slow one at times. It’s about learning to have a new perspective on life, because let’s be honest we see life through different eyes. It’s about not focusing on what will bring me down, but keeping my eyes focused on how far I’ve come, A journey of mountaintops and valleys, A journey that’s brought me here to this point in my life. To a point I can encourage and offer Hope to you, I used to look at depression as if I was pressed down, but now I see it as I PRESS ON….I’m going to finish this race, and with Christ I WILL finish well!

The Reason why I Speak Out~

                                     I  Step out from behind the shadows. Giving My Story a voice to be heard, though it not always the easiest thing to do. I know so many people who have been dealt this hand, some very close to me, others I met through someone else. It’s like a old photograph, that’s faded, but still part of who I’ am .For Many years this Disease defined me, no longer does it confine me. No longer do the chains bind me. Though I must say, it’s been a very long painful journey to get from there to here.

 From one who has struggled with Bipolar for years, to now living a life the best I can, stable and full of hope. I write this blog for YOU ALL. Writing has always had a place in my life, from keeping a journal from the young age of 10 to writing letters of encouragement to those who needed a lift in their spirits to sharing my pain and struggle, and how I was able to do that. I know that doing this will bring memories of those tough days, those long tearful nights.

 I’m not so far removed from that pain that I can’t empathize with you. I couldn’t see it then, but God brought something beautiful from those ashes, He is giving me the words of HOPE, and strength to pass on to you, my readers, to let you know this journey you do not walk alone. This is my STORY… its how God took my test and turned it into my testimony from being on 24 pills a day to now down to 2. So please walk hand in hand with me and let me share with you what has helped me. I know this isn’t just my journey, but it’s all who suffer with mental illness. I won’t go into detail, but I will tell you, I’m planning on writing some great insightful entries about all kinds of issues that I know a lot of you out there are dealing with.